DIARY OF THE MONTH OF MAY

It has been the same every other day;
I'd enter and buy a cup of coffee,
take a sit, and sip quietly while looking around the café at the busy looking faces.
You'd enter, walk slowly to the counter, as if in a ballet,
as if the earth kisses your feet,
with each flow of your tresses.

You wore a red gown today,
with a long silvery earring, and I observed jealously,
how they rested softly on your neck, and kissed them as you spoke,
I wanted my fingers to be there, but those earrings,
darn those earrings!, resting on your neck so proudly,
where my fingers couldn't,
and as I looked at you, time slowed as if suddenly held by silver strings.

"A coffee and one chocolate cake", I heard you say,
and then you walked to your usual table by the window,
and as always, you looked out through them with a certain glow,
as if the world were a stage and you were its audience,
it was the same, every other day,
and then you'd leave without ever looking my way.

It was a Tuesday, today you came in a white gown,
You smiled as you placed your order, a soft smile,
Why do you torture me so?,
I wanted to say hello, I've been rehearsing for days;
"just walk up to her table and say hello",
but again my courage failed me,
The distance between my table and yours, felt like two thousand miles,
I just couldn't make that journey;
My feet suddenly had gotten a mind of its own,
My brain said "stand", my feet said "nay".
You left again just like every other day,
I had been rehearsing everyday for two months now.

You sat at your table, it was a Wednesday,
your coffee cup almost empty,
your chocolate cake gone,
you stood to leave, and for a fleeting second our eyes met,
you smiled at me, but I looked away.
My heart sank after I looked away,
oh the horrible things you must think of me now,
I looked at you again, but you were already at the door,
Your back turned at me,
I could perceive your scent as the door shut behind you,
Why didn't I smile back?!, why didn't I smile back?!.

You walked in today, it was a Thursday,
I wanted to tell you I was scared,
scared that maybe I wasn't the one you smiled at,
I wanted to tell you I've spent so much time
wishing you'd smile at me, that when you eventually did,
I didn't know what I was supposed to do,
I wanted to tell you to smile at me again,
I promise to smile back,
but all I could do was sit there and watch you,
My coffee had gone cold, as I watched you take yours,
I couldn't stop thinking of your smile, it caused me pain.

Today you wore a black gown,
with a white line around the neck, it was a Friday,
and the city of Abuja felt warm; it must think of you like I do,
but this time it was different, our eyes met,
and for a moment that seemed like eternity,
you smiled at me and I smiled back,
you walked up to me; you didn't go to your table today.
For some reason you came in late today,
and someone was already sitting at your table,
My heart paced as I looked at your eyes, those eyes,
they reminded of a purity that I've long lost,
"can I share your table?",
your words jolted me out of my trance,
I smiled and nodded, I couldn't speak,
I was so scared I'd say something stupid,
and you would change your mind, and look for a different table,
I was afraid, that if I opened my mouth,
I would ask you if I could hold your hand, so I just nodded.


"You like chocolate cakes too I noticed", you said
"yes" I managed to force out,
"I love your soft way of speaking" I said,
my confidence slowly coming to me.
You smiled at my words, and my heart stopped at that moment,
why does heaven torture me so?,
"Thank you", you finally said,
and then we talked like we've never been strangers;
You laughed at my jokes as if they were the funniest you've ever heard,
and time for a brief moment was perfect.
We talked of the stars, we talked of time,
you told me how you wished the world was more honest with itself,
and I told you how I felt exactly the same.
You even liked the same music as I did;
you were the first person to think my music list isn't weird,
and then our fingers brushed lightly against each other,
I flinched but you didn't,
I noticed how you studied my eyes so intently,
as if to say 'this is where I want to be",.....
and so I reached out and held your fingers with mine,
the table patiently holding our arms, as they rested on it,
the table that once held only my coffee cup, and my chocolate cake.

Suddenly I heard the door open, and I was jolted out of my thoughts,
like a sleeping man woken from his dreams;
It was you leaving the café, and here I sat with my coffee gone cold,
"I'll say hello tomorrow", I told myself, "I'll definitely say hello tomorrow".
I've been telling myself that for two months now,
but somewhere deep down inside,
I am scared I'll tell myself the same thing when you enter the café tomorrow,
I am scared I'll never get to talk to you no matter how much I rehearse my "hello";
The distance from my table to yours, still feels like two thousand miles.